I am a hot mess today! I sit here in my pajamas with no shower, in the middle of the afternoon, with red puffy eyes, wondering what the fuck have I just done. And then I looked over and saw this:
DISCOVERY: "Two roads diverged in a wood, and I - I took the one less traveled by, and that has made all the difference." -- Robert Frost
It was the first thing I bought for my new desk in my new office at my new job in a new city and state . . . over 14 years ago. It has made many moves with me and has some wear and tear (and duct tape) to prove it.
And then I remembered something I had written approximately 4 years ago but is just as relevant today:
To those who know me it is no surprise when i say i have no sense of direction. I love to drive but am always lost. I get lost with a map, with directions, even with a GPS. Being lost doesn't bother me so much unless I have to be somewhere at a certain time. But again, those who know me also know I'm always late. I can go somewhere over and over again and still get lost. Even when I know I'm lost I always think I'm finding my way.
So as I pondered life today, I started finding it strange how many times I have felt lost in life but kept trudging along looking for my way, just believing I would get to where I was supposed to be. I have asked for directions often, but have still tended to wander.
What I have realized is that my sense of direction in life has actually been very good. Even when I have appeared lost, I have hit many of my destinations along the way. When i come to a crossroads in life, my gut actually works! So today I am trusting my gut and not my head or all of the people who want to map it out for me. I may appear to be lost, but I know where I'm going . . . I'll just get there via the road less travelled and arrive a bit later than expected.
I look at my life as a road trip and I've got a full tank of gas, a large cup of coffee, a carton of smokes, the windows down, and the music up loud for this journey!
There were many people who doubted me and called me crazy when this bartender/waitress who had never graduated from college decided to leave her small town and move 500 miles away to Atlanta and take on Corporate America. I heard the same doubts when as a single person I decided to adopt a 10 year old girl with lots of special needs. The same excitement and terror I felt when I crossed the first state-line of my big move in 1996, when I first walked through Corporate America's doors, when I put a screaming child to bed that first night - realizing I had NO clue what I was doing, but the thrill of figuring it out - is what I am experiencing today.
And do you want to know a secret? I have yet to experience regret. I know if anyone can do this, it's me. If I am a little bit crazy and full of myself, I'd like to keep it that way. It works for me.
Edie B. Kuhl