March 20, 2011

It's Your Call

Dear Tom Selleck . . .

When I was growing up I was not allowed to call boys.  EVER!  I used to hate that rule in our house and when I questioned it, the answer was a simple "girls just don't call boys".  I don't remember the exact reasoning when I pushed for a 'why' but in my head it was translated to:  it makes you seem needy, desperate, trashy, easy, and a whore.  It was probably just another way to end up a pregnant teenager.

I'm fairly certain my parents didn't use those exact terms - or maybe they did - but whatever the case . . . it stuck.  I still don't call boys.  Almost never ever.  Even if I'm in a relationship, I don't call unless I actually need something and therefore feel just the way I'm programmed to feel - needy.  Ugh!

With these new-fangled gadgets like e-mail, social networks, and texters, I only get more confused.  Everyone's doing it.  Girls are texting and Facebooking boys at an alarming rate.  Just since I've started this letter there have probably been 317 cyber-pregnancies.  It scares the shit out of me.

Occasionally I will dip my toe in the pond and send an e-mail or a text to a boy without 'invitation'.  And then I go take a shower.

Yesterday I did the unthinkable.  I called a boy.  For no reason.  No reason at all.  Well, except I was thinking about him.  And I kind of like him.  And every time he calls me, he says 'thanks for calling' before we hang up.  I thought it was cute and funny but now I'm thinking it's a dig at me because I never call.

So I did.  I called.

He fucking answered!  The nerve!

He was watching the game and completely distracted but I think happy to hear from me.  It was really difficult to tell because I got all awkward and tongue-tied, broke out in a cold sweat, and couldn't wait to hang up the phone.  And take a shower and go to confessional even though I'm not at all Catholic.

So this came up over drinks last night and the consensus was that I'm overreacting and need deprogrammed.  I just think my friends are a bunch of whores.

What do you think?  What are the rules on this?  Please enlighten me.  This is the mustache guy, so I feel like you share a special bond with him.

true story.

Edie B. Kuhl


  1. The other night I "accidently" called you. You didn't pick up (probably because it was so late, and you saw it was me and shrieked because we never actually spoke) but now after reading this I'm almost thinking you ran to the shower!

    Hahaha! What a funny post. Now I just want to curl up in my blanket, call you and laugh at all the idiocies we subject ourselves to!

    When I called boys I'd get so nervous, and say "what?" every time he would say something...


    ツ my cyber house rules dot com

  2. Nikki - I was awake when you called. My friend Jackie B was here. I've paid her to never speak of my reaction to the phone ringing. I'm now having a PTSD panic attack just thinking of it. One of these nights I'm getting all liquored up and drunk dialing you.

  3. ツ I may not answer if I'm reading my christian novels! Bwahahahahaha!

  4. Nikki - There's a special place in hell for whores like us.

  5. I hate the phone so, so much. However, I've come to realize that if I actually want to talk to someone or get something done, words actually need to be spoken.

    Play it cool, let him call you and if he doesn't do it soon enough, call the bastard back. You really have nothing to lose ;)

  6. Abby - It's been 24 hours and no call. I'm pretty sure he thinks I'm a whore and will never call.

  7. It's March Madness and a Monday. I would give it a few more days. From what I've learned, guys have a "three day rule" so they don't look like a man whore ;)

  8. I don't call boys either. I'm married and I rarely call my husband unless I am returning his call. BECAUSE that was a rule in my childhood home also. :)

  9. Abby - THAT is what I needed to know. Thanks. Next time I'll check his local listings before I call.

    Summer - Sis? Is that you?

  10. I call boys all the time. Mostly mean names. But that's probably because I have three brothers. The fuckers...


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