Dear Tom Selleck . . .
When I was growing up I was not allowed to call boys. EVER! I used to hate that rule in our house and when I questioned it, the answer was a simple "girls just don't call boys". I don't remember the exact reasoning when I pushed for a 'why' but in my head it was translated to: it makes you seem needy, desperate, trashy, easy, and a whore. It was probably just another way to end up a pregnant teenager.
I'm fairly certain my parents didn't use those exact terms - or maybe they did - but whatever the case . . . it stuck. I still don't call boys. Almost never ever. Even if I'm in a relationship, I don't call unless I actually need something and therefore feel just the way I'm programmed to feel - needy. Ugh!
With these new-fangled gadgets like e-mail, social networks, and texters, I only get more confused. Everyone's doing it. Girls are texting and Facebooking boys at an alarming rate. Just since I've started this letter there have probably been 317 cyber-pregnancies. It scares the shit out of me.
Occasionally I will dip my toe in the pond and send an e-mail or a text to a boy without 'invitation'. And then I go take a shower.
Yesterday I did the unthinkable. I called a boy. For no reason. No reason at all. Well, except I was thinking about him. And I kind of like him. And every time he calls me, he says 'thanks for calling' before we hang up. I thought it was cute and funny but now I'm thinking it's a dig at me because I never call.
So I did. I called.
He fucking answered! The nerve!
He was watching the game and completely distracted but I think happy to hear from me. It was really difficult to tell because I got all awkward and tongue-tied, broke out in a cold sweat, and couldn't wait to hang up the phone. And take a shower and go to confessional even though I'm not at all Catholic.
So this came up over drinks last night and the consensus was that I'm overreacting and need deprogrammed. I just think my friends are a bunch of whores.
What do you think? What are the rules on this? Please enlighten me. This is the mustache guy, so I feel like you share a special bond with him.
Edie B. Kuhl