I know that sounds like a cheesy lyrical title, but I always 'got' that song. At least I thought I did. Now I really 'get' it. Because whatever lies beyond broke, is where I am financially. But whatever lies way beyond happy, is where I am in life. I am SO fucking happy! And broke.
I've always been a dichotomy within myself. I'm a Libra, what do you expect? I'm a chaotic genius, if you will. And a little full of myself at times too. But at least I'm charming. And I have great hair.
Aaannnddd . . . I'm broke. So remember how I now ask for what I want every day? And get it!? Well let me give you some examples:
- I was stressing over having enough money to get dog food (times are tough, Tom) and was later making a grocery list while Jackie B was here when she said, "Oh, I have a bag you can have." Um, Jackie B hates animals. Hate is a strong word. She'll have none of that in her home. But she had a bag of dog food?! Well played Whomever is Out There.
- Later that same day, I accidentally went on a date with my elderly neighbor whose son I've been friends with since high school. I wish that were not a true story. But it is. To excuse myself in a ladylike way when I was asked in for a night cap, I informed him I had to run to the store for cat food. And that was NOT a lie. But he - Mr. I Hate Cats - had a bag of cat food! So I took it and said thanks and made Jackie B come dig me out of the grave I had dug for myself. Accidentally. Close call Whomever's Got My Back.
- Lately I've been into my wall calendar at my Magic Cottage. Not sure why, but I am. As I was writing on it the other day, I got really bummed out that there were only a few weeks left of my calendar. Not of the year mind you - I'm over 2011 in a big way. Bring on 2012! I was sad that in a few weeks I'd have no wall calendar because my broke ass can't afford to even buy a new calendar. (I told you times are tough Tom, real tough) I contemplated making a calendar for a brief moment, then quickly decided that would take way too much effort and sounds crafty. Which I am not. So then I began thinking how much I'd have to babysit to earn the money to buy a calendar. Why yes, I am babysitting. A buck's a buck. And I am seriously back to square fucking one in life again. But I love it here! I needed this and I welcome this. I am grateful for it. Truly fucking grateful. But real fucking broke too. So I pulled myself away from my beautiful wall calendar and walked around my Magic Cottage being truly grateful for what I have. And then I came to my daughter's room and I got extra grateful for having her in my life and having her home and healthy. And then I got excited for whatever the next chapter is in our lives. And then I looked over, and there was a calendar! A 20 fucking 12 calendar she had brought home from school for me. Jackpot! Thank you Dad. Thank you God. Thank you Universe. And then . . . the next day . . . I was at a local retail establishment and the cashier put TWO 2012 calendars in my bag! Free of charge! Thank you Sir, may I have another?!
Edie B. Kuhl