Dear Tom Selleck . . .
I had to get a jobby job job. Seems this non-profit business can be less than profitable and there are always WAY more expenses than cash. I just need a little walking money to keep my hooptie running. So I'm slinging beers. And I LOVE it! I rarely drink, hate beer, don't know a damn thing about wine, and couldn't mix a slippery nipple if my life depended on it. But that's our little secret, Tom.
The only thing that matters is my passion and personality and great hair of course. It certainly doesn't hurt that I can bullshit with the best of them. And flirt. And listen. Oh! And I'm funny! Some may call me quirky. Even a little ditzy at times. But definitely charming and brilliant. Sometimes cocky, but more often confident. I even had a little 'experience' from 15 years ago. Plus I used to run two continents for a fortune 500 company.
It only makes sense that I'm the best damn bartender there ever was at this pub place that serves a lot of beers. This is the kind of place beer snobs thrive on. And I don't know a thing. Not a damn thing! But I always start with an introduction: (hand outstretched) Hi! I'm Edie, but you can call me the new girl.
And then . . . Whether someone wants a lager, an ale, a stout, an IPA, a wheat, or a porter recommendation I just give the same answer: Have you tried our Kentucky Bourbon Ale? Some cock their heads, but most have not tried it, so I give them a taste and 99% of them buy a very expensive, very small glass of it.
Who's a beer snob now?!
I don't know whether people think I'm an idiot or an even BIGGER beer snob who just trumped them. But they tip me well.
You want a what? A black and tan? Ok, but I'm going to make it a little differently than you've ever had it but I will use black-ish and tan-nish colored beers. Trust me? And they do . . . every time! It may look nothing like a black and tan and taste like nothing you've ever had before, but you will love it. And pay a lot for it. I promise.
If nothing else, I will just look awkwardly cute while I pull on the tap. Or the keg. Or whatever that big beer handle spout thing is called.
Edie B. Kuhl