January 27, 2013

A Day in My Life

Dear Tom Selleck . . .

How was your day?  Mine was awefuckingtastic!  And I mean it.  It's not just the 4 shots of espresso talking.  I'll give you the run-down and you can see for yourself.
  • First, I slept until 10:23 am.
  • Then, I read and responded to an email from the sailor.
  • Work asked if I could come in.  I really love my job and I just had to put some money into my hooptie yesterday, but I love my Saturdays off.  Hhhmmm . . . 
  • Mary started to suffocate me with her presence.  (You'll have that from time to time.)
  • I told work I'd be right in, but would need off by 7pm, because I had to be at a Girl Scout slumber party by 9pm, and didn't want to show up smelling like beer.  I'm pretty sure they thought I was full of shit, but were desperate and went with it.
  • I got to go to work at the greatest job in the world and meet some of the coolest people in the world!  Like this couple . . . They're 85 years old.  High school sweethearts.  She has Alzheimer's.  They were the sweetest, most amazing people.  Both of them.  At one point, he took me to the side to tell me about his wife's "condition".  As he spoke, I teared up and said, "now that is true love".  And do you know what this sweet little old man said to me?  "You want to know what love is, honey?  All love is, is a tickling sensation around your asshole."
  • Two guys tipped me $20.
  • And then . . . I got to race home (since my hooptie is fixed!), take a hot shower, don some jeans that my ass is looking great in these days, meet a friend for coffee, and go to a Girl Scout slumber party!  No shit!  I was their rockstar tonight!  They even fed me Subway and made me a kick-ass pie!  A whole pie, Tom!  Just for me!  I am the luckiest girl in the world.
  • After all of that, I saw a shooting star!  Dude.
Want to know what makes my day even better?  Knowing this is just a typical day in my life.  It rocks to be me.

true story.

Edie B. Kuhl


  1. It does rock to be you. I just got a job, myself. It's not a promising as your job (no hope that anyone is going to tip me), but I'll make it work for now.

    1. Congrats Vinny! People WILL tip you. Just you wait and see.

  2. I still haven't found a job... wish I was a rockstar diva like you though! A friend told me recently that if I want to work I'll have to move to the midwest. Aint my cup of tea. But if I HAD to go to the midwest, Ohio would be on the top of my list! Can you guess why?

    1. The midwest isn't my cup of tea either. At least I didn't think so when I left here, but since I've been back I've noticed it has some charm if you look close enough. Like me. I'm charming! You would already have at least two friends here, so move it to the top of your list. I always need backup singers and dancers.


Hit me with your best shot.