January 17, 2016

He Doesn't Have to Know About Us

Dear Tom Selleck . . .

I don't want to have sex with you.  Ever.  I can't even watch you on the screen.  I've tried.  Other than an occasional Friends rerun, or maybe an old episode of Magnum P.I., I just cant watch you.  It weirds me out.  Sorry.  That's just the way it is.  Once I decided you were 'the one', the one who would play the role of my dad in our blockbuster, I just can't do it.  Just cannot.  I'm terrified of what I may see and what I may feel.

The sailor does not understand this.  It's ironic, or not so ironic in my world, that he watches everything you appear in.  He's constantly trying to get me to watch Blue Bloods, or some movie you've done.  Constantly.  I always politely remind him that I cannot watch anything with you in it, there's no good explanation for it, that's just the way it is, so stop suggesting it.  It unnerves him every time.  He doesn't understand, and finds it even more frustrating that I keep a picture of you in the bedroom, but can't watch a show or a movie with you in it.  What can I say, Tom?  He knew going into this just how weird I am.  Most of the time, he's ok with it.

Sometimes I don't know whether to take our Tom Selleck connection as a sign he and I are on the same path, or if he is trying to figure me out in a very observant and calculated way.  He's like that.  It's one of the things I love about him.  He thinks I don't know, but I do, and that's how I stay a step ahead of him.  It's cute, watching him trying to figure me out, realizing how little he really knows about me.  I'd like to think it's part of my charm, and what keeps him coming back.

The sailor has no idea that I write to you.  He knows I write, just not to you.  I've told him I'm writing books and there's a chapter about him, but I'm not sure if he believes me.  I'm ok with that.  It makes the story all the more enchanted.  If I had my druthers, he'd remain fictitious forever.  He's mine.  I don't want to share him.

The way I see it all playing out, is that I'll write a bestseller that is made into a blockbuster and eventually makes its way to Netflix, which will undoubtedly put it on the 'Suggestions for the Sailor' list.  He'll have to watch it.  Because it's you.  And it has five stars.  I bet he never mentions to me when he watches it.  He'll think he's a step ahead of me.

true story.

Edie B. Kuhl

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